About that time again - Classic Game Review #2 - Ikaruga

To start this thing out, I couldn't have summed it up better than this picture right here. Any non-gamer that happens to have stumbled upon this nerd-fest (sorry! There are other blogs for tweens and people who love Radiohead on here too, I promise) has probably looked at that picture and thought...WTF? No seriously, WTF. Because probably the best known thing about this game, and I'd like to think it's pretty well known by now since it first came out about 8 years ago back on the Japanese dreamcast (may that wonderful system R.I.P.), then to Gamecube (my copy is often on display when I bust it out on a yearly basis), and perhaps the best way to get it to the masses, on XBOX Live Arcade - but the best known thing about this shooter, or what people "in the know" simpy call shmups (a moniker I'm not a big fan of, I might add), is that it is completely, 100%, insane. All those little white dots on the screen? Yeah, those are bullets. That tiny little thing at the bottom with the piddly little shield about to get his crap all kinds of ruined? Yep, thats you.

So why is this game a classic, you would probably ask. First a bit about the name - to most nerds, Ikaruga usually means some sort of ninja. While everyone in their right mind should know that ninjas are certainly awesome (and under represented in video games for the most part, I must say. I mean, Pirates vs. Ninja Dodgeball for the wii? Seriously guys? Ninjas don't throw dodgeballs, ninjas rape peoples faces off!), this game doesn't have any ninjas. Ikaruga is just a pretty cool name that those crazy Japanese developers over at Treasure thought would be a good title for their sequel to another equally insane shump, called Radiant Silvergun. Obviously, these dudes were all about having cool names for their games, something I support (especially after hearing generic names today like "X-Blades", "Mercenaries", "Madden 2010"...whoops, I mean, sports games are great!) fully. Radiant Silvergun is a still hard to find game (at least here, you go to Japan and copies of it are likely to fall on you in any store because they have so many, even still today) that pretty much broke the mold about what a shump could be. Over time, much like the 2D fighting genre, things started to get a bit stale. You'd either have a top down scroller (like the old arcade game Raiden) or a side scroller (like the old game R-Type was) shmup with some sort of space ship and it could get a few powerups and it would basically have to save the galaxy. Blah blah blah. Much like that old RPG chesnut of the hero having amensia or a young boy and girl who start out young but eventually grow on their magical quest to save the world from the big darkness and also happen to fall in love, we've seen it a thousand times in the video game world. Well those psychopaths over at Treasure wanted something different when they made Radiant Silvergun. Level ups for your weapons? Sure why not. An actual *gasp* storyline to your shump? Can they even DO that?! Well do that they did, and that masterpiece was formed. But I'm not here to ramble on about that game (which I STILL don't own a copy of, by the way! *shakes fist*), I'm here to talk about Ikaruga. But we wouldn't have Ikaruga had Radiant Silvergun been a failure, so there.

But failure it was not, that game is about ten years old now and still highly sought after - go check the current prices on ebay if you think I'm kidding. So Treasure had a massive hit on their hands, and they obviously loved making completely insane games (see: Gunstar Heroes on the Genesis, Sin and Punishment on the 64, goofy ass games like Silhoutte Mirage on Psone, Bangai-O on dreamcast...yeah, definitely that last one), so they set out to make their coup de grace (an underused term, if I do say so myself) in the form of Ikaruga.

Even the box art for this game was awesome and told you you were probably gonna get your face kicked off as soon as you booted this game up. Ok, so the story of this monster goes something like this - you have this piddly little ship, and you have to save the galaxy. Uh oh! The basic shmup crap story right? Doesn't matter. Whereas Treasure broke the mold with what a shmup could be with Radiant Silvergun, they went back and said "hey, you know what? All those previous shoot em up games were lame. There weren't enough bullets flying around, all those games were too easy, we need to make something that will actually make someone NERVOUS when they play it". And thus, Ikaruga was born. It took all those other old, "classic" shmup games and chucked them down the street. This game was going to kick your ass, and you know what? You were going to enjoy every freakin' second of it.

So we got no story. After five minutes of playing this game, you won't care at all. Because Ikaruga did something totally different, by introducing your ship that had two different sides: the light side and the dark side. Not the most original names for sides of course, but if you want to borrow something from the holy trilogy (for non nerds - that means Star Wars!), might as well be that. But this is where the gameplay twist comes in - when you are the "light" side, you can absorb the ridiculous mass of white bullets that will be constantly flying at you, and you'll do more damage to the "dark" enemies. And same with the "dark" side - more damage to light, etc., its not rocket science. But it IS freaking awesome. Because heres where Treasure actually implements some strategy into a dying genre (one that is sadly pretty much all but dead these days) - during the later stages (and there are only 5, but you won't care), you have both kinds of bullets flying at you, and both times of enemies. You'll be switching back and forth all the time, and you can play this bad devil with another person (a staple of the shump genre), but even with two of you its not gonna be easy. Check this out, loyal blog followers: I have never beaten this game. Never. It hasn't happened. Oh I've gotten to the end boss alright, but usually I'll limp up to him with one or two lives left and he'll laugh as he fends off my chump bullets or my absorb attacks and then when the tears start to come at yet another failed attempt at this game, he laughs even harder. Like I said, this game will kick your ass. And you will love every second of it.

Theres a shot of the "dark" side of the ship, and you'll notice that I mentioned absorb attacks up there. That's your one and only other defense against this ridiculous onslaught of bullets and enemies, you can spit all of those jerks bullets right back at them (in the form of missles), assuming you are just absorbing one color, of course. That's what that little bar on the left of the screen is for. It's a pretty sweet trick that will get you out of some tough situations, but its not going to save your ass all the time. Why? Because this game is completely nuts. I think I've covered that. Since we are talking about a bit of an older game here, of course the graphics aren't going to completely blow you away. But unlike FFIV, I'll tell you that this is still a very pretty game, even played today. Especially by shmup standards. A good shmup is VERY few and far between anymore these days, but to be honest, there didn't need to be many more after Ikaruga - its by far and away the best in its class, people still talk about it today, and its well worth the $50 or so bucks you'll pay for the gamecube one. Or just get it on 360 Arcade, I don't care, just play it sometime, if only to be humbled. Oh, and if you have a few minutes, check this out - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LES0bAg0dBk which is a video of some freakshow playing the first stage on hard mode, and pretty much obliterating everything. This man is a god. This video was made in 2006, and I'm fairly convinced that he was probably playing the game every day since 2001 in order to put this video on youtube. Like I said, I have never once beaten this game.

So why do I love it? Because, like other classics, like most of the games I've reviewed on here so far, it broke the mold. We've had shmups since the days of Nintendo (anyone remember that game Burai Fighter? That game sucked!) and really since the days of Space Invaders, you could probably call that one the first shmup. Ikaruga makes all those games look like Barbie Horse Adventures. It has a punishing difficulty, but for some reason, you'll keep coming back for more. Because with this punishing difficulty comes an awesome sense of accomplishment. When you finally destroy that fourth boss (hes the biggest bastard of em all, in my opinion) after trying 20 times or so, you will cheer. You will remember why you like playing video games in the first place. And that is why this game is and always will be a classic. And look at me, getting misty before I even mention the freakin' soundtrack! Hows about we just stick that in the review scores?

I only include this last picture because its the most tame one that I could find of this game. That's the first boss, someone you'll kill so fast you'll think "that Clev was an idiot, this game is tough, but its not THAT tough". And then Stage 2 comes around....

Anyways:

Graphics - 7/10. They aren't gonna change your world or anything, but for a shmup thats almost 8 years old now, they are still pretty. Theres some 3D stuff going on in the background, and all the enemies, especially the bosses are cool looking, and the later bosses could very well make you poop your pants.

Sound - 10/10. This is something I forgot to mention in my ramblings up there - its amazing. This game is why surround sound speakers exist. Awesome explosions and bullet effects of course, but the jams on the title screen, as well as the stages, are awesome. Lots of rock and or roll music here though, so if thats not your thing, maybe bump it down a few points. But still, great stuff, especially for a shmup, where sound usually takes a backseat to everything else.

Challenge 456/10. This game does NOT mess around. Like I said, I've never beaten it. Why can I review it then, you may ask? Because I've enjoyed every time this game has handed my ass to me and said "thank you, come again!" It has limited continues, and the version I have (gamecube) never lets you have unlimited. That's probably how it should be. Get good at this game, or you suck, you'll never see the end. Not that it matters much anyways - you don't play this game for story, you play to have a damn good time getting your butt whooped. Oh and did I mention yet? If you can, play it with a friend. Misery loves company.

Fun - 10/10. Do I need to get into it anymore? This game is great. Fun is what this game is all about. They could have probably just cut through all the BS and just called this game "Fun", but I think Ikaruga is a much cooler name, personally.

Overall - 9/10. Like every game I've reviewed on here so far, it might not be for everyone. The challenge may keep some people away, but honestly, if you don't try it at least once you are missing out. Come for the cool tricks this game has that no other one has tried before. Stay for the awesome challenge and the immense sense of accomplishment you'll have the further you get into the game.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to my closet to go dig this bad devil out and maybe fire up my wii for a change...

King of Fighters XII (yes that really means TWELVE) - Game of the summer, or, not so much?

Alright, so I think anyone that has even taken a glance at this page o' mine has realized that, I love me some fightin' games. Particularly if they are 2d. Expect a Tekken 6 review when it comes out too, although I'll admit right now (and it should be obvious anyways), I'm all about the old school. If its 2D I'm pretty much gonna love it. That being said, this has been the freakin' year for fighting games, I'd even say that in all my years of being a video game freak (which is alot), this is the best year there ever has been for fightin' games. First we had a snazzy new Street Fighter, then BlazBlue that blew away fighting game conventions but having an interesting story that might have been too convoluted for its own good (a dude with no face that is a semi-dream semi-real reincarnation of one of the six elder gods. A cat girl that is just one clone out of 100 from an older race. A little vampire girl who may or may not be imagining all these people in her head..or something. WTF?), but still pretty amazing. We have the rehashed but still-one-of-the-best-fighting-games-ever Marvel vs. Capcom 2 coming out this week too, so people can FINALLY play it online. And in between all that, we have this, King of Fighters XII.

First of all, yes, that really means 12. This game started all the way back in 1994 on the now mostly dead except to the ultra hardcore and/or super rich Neo Geo system, made by SNK. It was a very competent rival to that monster known as Street Fighter, and it had a lot more balanced characters (read: not a whole bunch of cheap characters people could spam the same move over and over again with) than Street Fighter ever did. Over the years though, it's sort of become a joke. They tried a 3d version back on the XBOX days, a game I shudder to think about, they've released compliations like Orochi Saga that you can find for like 15 bucks at your local gamestop, and they've put out various KOF for all sorts of systems dating all the way back to original playstation. The problem was, these games stopped being original at about 2001. 2000 was - in my opinion - the pinnacle of the series, and they probably should have called it good after that. But, SNK has been struggling for most of this century, so they kept cranking them out, until basically, this series was sort of a joke. Not saying they were bad by any means, they just needed something new. So enter KOF XII, a total reboot of the series, and a much needed one.

To start with, this is a damn pretty game. I mean Daaaaaamn pretty. It's pretty much a 2D masterpiece as far as graphics are concerned. SNK started from the ground up and all of these characters you can pick from are MONSTROUS on your TV/Arcade screen, and that is awesome. I'll be the first to admit that as a nerd who grew up with this series, I got a little chill when I saw these monstrous and incredibly well animated characters fighting each other for the first time. So an A+ right there off the bat for SNK for going the extra mile and having all these characters HAND EFFING DRAWN. Do you know how many movies/games/ANYTHING use hand drawn art these days? How about just about nothing. Disney has that one movie about the frog and a princess or something coming out in december, and thats hand drawn - the first one in like 8 years. People don't DO hand drawn anymore, because frankly, its too much damn work. But SNK did it right, did these characters justice after letting them stagnate for so long.

Never one to disappoint its geeky fanbase, there are also a couple of anime girls to ogle. Notice the girl in the school girl outfit getting beat up here. You always gotta have a school girl if you are playing a game of any sort that was created by the Japanese. It makes sense when you think about it, since they DO have vending machines over there that sell used school girl panties. I am not kidding here. Google it. I've seen pictures of the machines. So yeah, the Japanese are a little nutty about the school girls, but who can blame eh I suppose, somethin about those skirts. Like Jason Lee said in Chasing Amy - "I regret never dating a Catholic school girl. As it stands I don't have any 'and then she unzipped her jumper...' stories" Well my name is Jason too, and I must say, amen to that. So anyways, cute, scantily clad anime girls to ogle in this game too, SNK didn't forget its roots. Good job guys.

<---Heres a bigger picture of said school girl if you were really interested (you probably weren't, but I'd like to assume some nerds DO actually read this thing).

Ok, so we got the graphics covered, obviously. I have a 56'' TV and I'll tell you what, game looks freaking gorgeous on there, nearly as pretty as BlazBlue. And what about the gameplay? Good news, its spot on. It plays like a bit of a cross between SFIV and BlazBlue, except in my humble opinion, its even faster than both of them. Some people complained SFIV was a little too slow, enabling cheaters to prosper online. KOF12 throws that little "slowness" problem right out the window by letting you dash and jump right in to kick someones face off in about two seconds flat. This enables even the big guys to hop over fireballs like nobodys business. That's a good thing. Thats a very good thing. As far as the moveset goes, it's good. Apparently they have narrowed it down a bit (I'll be honest and tell you I haven't really gotten into a KOF since about 2001), but for good reason - to have it all balance out better. No one is really overpowered in this one, so much so that people are having a hard time establishing just who the best characters are. This is also a good thing. You can't find some stupid cheater online that just spams the same move over and over again, because you have about 10,000 options to crush that persons face now. And it may have less moves, but honestly that isn't a problem - because they added this freaking awesome mechanic where if your counter bar (that little bar beneath your life bar on the screen) is full, and you and your opponent both do the same strong punch and clash, well BAM, that dude's crap is ruined for a minute and you can just mash whatever you want and keep smashing their life bar, AND it looks damn cool and makes you feel like a badass for minimal effort. It's seriously awesome and a much needed new trick for an old 2D franchise.

See that guy about to get a fireball in his mouth? Even HE could have hopped over that bigass fireball had he had enough space. Thats the freedom this fighting engine provides. So then, you may be asking, well Clev, is there anything BAD about this game? Great, inspired gameplay, a nice reboot, and its damn pretty? Where are the problems? To which I'll say, oh, there are a few.

Before I get into this next section, a rant about what keeps this game from truly being a classic for the ages, I'll start with the main problem now - this game should just be called King of Fighters Online. Why? Because theres barely any single player content at all. Whereas if you can't afford to get yourself on the innernets with BlazBlue, you are golden still - it has an incredibly involved story mode, and even beating it with all the characters on arcade will provide cool new tidbits and you'll have a good time doing it. With King of Fighters, if you aren't playing online, you got NOTHIN. You get ONE one player offline mode. ONE. And its a stupid time trial. It's 5 measly stages where you try to beat the clock. LAME. This is what knocks the value down if you are going out to spend your hard-earned 60 bucks on a great single player experience. You won't find it here. So honestly, if you aren't playing online, or you don't at least have some people to play this with (alot) in versus mode, theres no need to buy it. None. Beating the lame one player mode over and over again with your favorite characters for achievement or trophies (to those who don't have either system, those just mean bragging rights, something everyone can see you have when they look up your name online) will get old QUICK if you have no one else to fight with.

And so that pretty much kills the difficulty score on this game - even on hard difficulty, pretty much anyone can bash through those five stages in about 15 minutes tops. However - that doesn't mean you should ignore this game. If you are a fighting game freak, you probably already own it. If you are on the fence, but you've played other fightin' games online before, then stop reading this now and go find this game, at least give it a rent. The fighting engine is incredible, the game is a beautiful 2d showpiece nearly as pretty as BlazBlue (BlazBlue only edges it out a bit because it has so many more stages), and its a different experience every time you fight - IF you have people to play with or you play it online. If you don't do either of those things, you can probably pass this one by.

And therein lies the problem with this brilliant game - it's barebones features are what are going to keep some people away. Not everyone likes to fight online. Not everyone has a bunch of friends they can enjoy Vs. mode with. However, whats here IS incredible - I'll already go the extra mile and tell you that the fighting engine is BETTER than SFIV. Yes, BETTER than the reboot of the 2D fighting game that started it all. Them's big words I know, but I dare you not to play a few matches with a friend and tell me you aren't having a damn good time with what this game has to offer. So I guess the conclusion here, before we break down my score - game of the summer, no. But it is another bright spot in this year of fightin' games, and with this incredibly slow trickle of games we are getting this summer, its well worth the purchase - IF you play online or have a lot of fighting game freak friends.

Graphics - 9/10. Game is beautiful. BE-U-TI-FUL. Some of the best 2D I have ever seen, and HAND DRAWN CHARACTERS YO. HAND, DRAWN. Two words you don't see together anymore. Seeing the game in action is amazing and if you are a huge dork like me that grew up with these games, seeing the transformation of these characters from ugly sprites to works of art might even give you chills. Only held back by its lack of stages (theres only 5, 6 if you count the one at night - and I don't), but whats there is great.

Sound - 8/10. Once again, held back by what isn't there. Some of the stages (particularly the one in France with all the fat girls women going nuts in the background -

This one, have great music that fits the atmosphere, and the sound effects are top notch, lots of good whacks and face punching sounds exactly like it should, and its very satisfying the BOOM you hear when you enter in the correct super move, makes you feel like a real badass. Again, its only held back by the fact that there just isn't as much there as there probably should be for a $60 game.

Challenge - Well, hows about we break this down two ways - if you are playing strictly offline, a solid 2/10. It won't hold your interest long. If you are online or have friends to play with constantly, then the sky is the limit isn't it? So I'll just stick with a 2/10 for offline, and really N/A if you are online, can be as easy or as difficult as your opponent - which is part of what makes online so fun anyways.

Fun - Two scores again. If you are only offline, you won't get much enjoyment beyond a rental and ogling the pretty graphics (the anime girls in particular if you are a perv such as myself), a solid 4/10. Online, once again, you'll be entertained for hours and the skys the limit if you are into playing online. For my experience, definitely a 10/10, I'll be playing this for months to come, I guarantee you that.

Overall - 8/10. I don't need two scores because I think its pretty well established you might not even want to come near this game if you aren't playing online or vs. It's lacking some things, but that doesn't mean its a bad game, or not worth $60. It's worth over that just to experience this great fighting engine online against people, and people who will probably have a pretty tough time cheating because the brilliant fighting engine they've created for this makes it pretty hard to spam. And that in itself makes this one of the best fighting games ever.

A side note - my experience with the game has been somewhat lopsided online. Sometimes it lags like crazy, like a MF if you will, and other times its been fine. However, this is going to be addressed with a patch soon it has been said, because they know that they mostly created King of Fighters online here, and they wouldn't want that part to remain broken now, would they? Overall, this is a fantastic reboot of what almost became a joke among serious fighting fans - its a great start and it's pretty much assured SNK is on the right track once again and the next game will be even more brilliant. If you are a fighting fanatic like me and want your next fix, you could do much worse than this great game that will likely be the sleeper hit of the summer, maybe even the year.

More Random Nerd stuff

Alright, not much to say here this time, just some randomness - basically, I am totally a celebrity on youtube now, I know I know, its awesome and only like 916 billion other people are too, so it means I am special. If you got a few minutes and are interested in fighting games, check out this link:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inBa372gITY

This was me and a cool dude I met online named NamelessQ that posts some of his fights on youtube, and this was an INSANE fight that he and I had where every match ended with like two or three seconds left. I don't appreciate that some dude left a comment saying I'm a spammer, because I actually hate spammers on that game (to the uninitiated: a spammer on a video game is much like a jerkoff spammer on the innernets - someone who keeps doing the same crap over and over again until they win, or in the case of the innernets, someone who keeps bothering you with pointless crap you don't need until you want to jump through that tube known as the internet and smash their head into the wall - because remember, the innernets is a series of tubes) so much so that I worry that I could be one or I could be cheap on there. I try to avoid that whenever possible. But anyways, so the Clev is now on youtube and if I knew how to upload fights or what have you on youtube, well then I'd probably do that too. You will notice there are no pictures on this site yet. Yes, I'm working on that. I'm a noob (newb) at all things "blog" so its a work in progress, but hey, at least I'm hilarious, so thats something!

I'll be getting the new King of Fighters game this weekend (assuming it freakin' really comes out, they change the date for it every couple of days just to mess with us fighting game nerd's heads) and I'll have a review up for that on sunday most likely, and when I have more time to kill on wednesday, the next game I'll probably talk about is the beautiful, the lovely, Valkirya Chronicles. It's a game that pretty much single-handedly restored my faith in current generation video games, I was pretty much a big nostalgia freak, reminiscent of an old man sitting on his rocking chair saying "I remember the good ol' days, when one game was so interesting and challenging it kept me entertained for hours..." and not TRULY being blown away by anything on the PS3 or 360 like I was when I first played those old super nintendo RPGs like FF III or Secret of Mana, or the masterpice that is Lunar The Silver Star for Sega CD, all up until I played a few hours of Valkirya Chronicles. So that one is well deserving of a Clev ramble and is likely my next candidate. For now, since all I wanted to do was post that link for anyone thats interested to watch (it'd be swell if there were at least 5 of you), I'll STFU and tell you to stay tuned for Wednesday and possibly...*gasp* that review might have, dare I say it...pictures!

Classic Game Review - Maybe the most classic of them all, Final Fantasy II (IV to those in the know)

Alright, first a bit of an introduction about the long and somewhat confusing history of Final Fantasy, to those people who still want to read my hilarious take on the world of video gamedom, but may not be in the know about just what the heck a Final Fantasy is. In the first place, there will never actually be a Final Final Fantasy. All of us gamer nerds are squealing like little school girls in anticipation of Final Fantasy THIRTEEN, which may or may not be here by the end of the year (probably not, next year most likely, probably summertime, which is good, because theres usually about MAYBE 3-4 good games that come out all summer most years), mainly because its a Final Fantasy game and those are the equivalent of a new Star Wars or (something I myself might even squeal more about) a Harry Potter movie. Look at me, being all topical since the new Hp just came out this week. But ANYWAYS, so Final Fantasy all started back in the days of Nintendo, or Famicon if you lived in Japan and got 100 times more awesome games than we did here. Final Fantasy 1 came here, and it was some people's first taste of what an RPG was, sure some of us had played Dragon Warrior before it, but Final Fantasy actually let you (kinda) create the people you wanted to fight with you, making it a bit more personal. The story today is pretty much standard fare - you got four big evil boss dudes that you need to waste in order to take on the bigger evil boss dude. I think theres a princess in distress and a dark elf in there somewhere too, but its been a while. So Final Fantasy 1 made its impact, but apparently not enough of an impact here, because II and III were made for the Famicom in Japan, but didn't come here at all (we didn't see the ACTUAL II until it came out for Playstation, and III took even longer when it was released on the DS a few years ago).

So the next one we got was actually Final Fantasy IV, but so that parents didn't have to deal with their kids whining about wanting Final Fantasy II and III since they didn't exist here, they just renamed it II, and brought it to Super Nintendo. Now, some people think II is the best Final Fantasy - MOST people think that VII on Playstation was the best, and I am MOST ASSUREDLY not one of those people, but I've had (nerd) arguments about which one is better, II or III. II was the first real RPG here to bring us an actual story, and a narrative with characters that we cared about. Maybe it's just me, but I never cared much about the dude in Dragon Warrior, roaming the countryside killing roughly 916,000,000,000 slimes (poor slimes, what did they ever do to anyone?) and I think trying to save the princess (they usually are). But II, man, that game had heart. It had the old dude, Tellah, who loses his daughter early on to the evil thats taking over the planet, and he thinks a "spoony bard" (his words, not mine - what the hell is a spoony bard anyways? Next time someone pisses you off, call them spoony and see what happens) was behind it, and wants to avenge her. Move over Gandalf, because Tellah was such an old badass that he ends up giving his own life to cast the most insane spell on the planet against who is apparently the most evil dude on the planet. Meanwhile what did Gandalf do in the LOTR movies? He pushed around some dudes with his staff. LAME! Oh and he fought Saruman I guess, I suppose thats neat. But anyways, that old dude Tellah, was just one side note to the incredible characters in Final Fantasy II - the main character, Cecil, even starts out as a bad guy, but in what was maybe the first truly "moving" scene in video games, he ends up fighting his former dark knight self to become a Paladin of the light. How cool is THAT? And that happens pretty early on in the game. In Final Fantasy 1 you created your characters from a set number of classes, and what really kept me going the first time through was that they eventually get "promoted" and become even better masters of kickassery. In FFII you don't get to pick the classes, but some people still get promoted - the main example of this is Rydia, the girl you meet at the beginning, when you burn down her freakin' village (told you Cecil started out evil - but in his defense, he didn't know the big box the posessed king gave him, that likely said "BOX O EVIL - DO NOT OPEN TIL' XMAS" was going to burn down a whole freakin' village and kill everyone but Rydia). She starts out basically a weak little girl with a gift (you know, that old chestnut), the gift of summoning monsters to have other people fight for her, but at first all she can summon is a measly little chocobo (for those that have never played an FF, that's pretty much the equivalent of having Big Bird come and fight your battles for - give me Snufflufagus any day, he was awesome). Later on in the game you end up seperated from her (because you are out on the sea and get attacked by a freakin' LEVAITHAN! Thats a huge sea monster, ladies and gentleman, I mean really, how cool IS this game?), but when you meet her again, shes all grown up into a lady, and a lady that has learned a lot and can kick a whole BUNCH more ass than she could as a kid. This game is where a lot of the staples of the Final Fantasy genre originated too - Rydia can eventually summon Bahamut, who is pretty much the king of all the dragons, a big (I think hes usually black, but hes been in a lot of the games) sweet lookin' dragon that casts pleasantly named spells like MEGA FLARE and NUKE. Then theres Ifrit, the fire god who...well I think you should know what he does, Shiva, the goddess of Ice (who is usually hot in the later ones, when we had better graphics), and it's been a while, but I think Rydia even later learns how to control Levaithan, that sea beast that sinks your ship in the game.

I haven't even talked about all the characters yet and you should already be realizing that this game is awesome and pretty much turned us gaming nerds into rabid RPG fanatics for the rest of our lives, but basically there is a karate dude that don't need no stinkin' weapons, he just kicks all the enemies in their face and fights with his fists (I'd imagine that might sting a little when you fight one of them stone ogre's or something, but Yang never seemed to complain - the Bruce Lee of RPGs), theres the two smart mouthed twins who happen to be some of the best magicians on the planet, and theres even a surprise towards the end of the game - where you end up on the damn MOON. That's right, FFII can't even be contained to one measly little planet. You end up there towards the end of the game and you meet a guy that Dumbledore is totally trying to jock, FuSoya. The problem with FuSoya is, hes such an extreme badass that he kinda makes Tellah's sacrfice to cast the ultimate spell, Meteo, a bit of a joke. FuSoya can slang Meteo all day long, but then I guess there probably isn't much to do up there on the moon except for learn new magic spells (not a bad life, I'd have to say) and fight Behemoths (big ol' monster dudes that kinda look like the offspring of a dragon and...well, something else as cool as a dragon, but not a dragon). So you end up on the moon, and this is where the game falls apart a bit - FFII actually created another RPG convention here, and that is the ol' last boss switcheroo. Here you spend 20 some hours (it was probably more as a kid) thinking that you want to waste this Golbez dude who is the source of all the evil on the planet, but instead, FuSoya goes and fights him and you and your crew end up fighting some....Chaos...thingie....for the last fight? You don't even get to control the fight with FuSoya, you just fight this Chaos blob thing. However, this lame last fight isn't enough to sully the entire game - the writers of this game knew what they were doing, there are a few times where you think you might have lost one of your party members forever, only to see them show up later - I'm man enough to admit that I think I cried the first time I saw Tellah die to try and save the world, that's some hardcore stuff, man - but most everyone else makes it through to the end. But like I said (quite) a while ago, this game has heart. And that is why, while it isn't my favorite Final Fantasy ever (that's part III, and a review for another time!), it deserves its place among the classics, and it's story alone is yet another reason to go punch Roger Ebert in the face for saying video games can never be art, because this game is over 20 years old and it's still incredible. Maybe I should send him an email and direct him over to this...

But anyways, I'll break down how all the Final Fantasies are numbered here, so if you are already a gamer dork, move on through to my score for the game, but to those who don't understand how there are 13, but I'm talking about II, except I'm actually talking about IV, heres how it goes - I is actually part 1, we got that one. II and III were Japan only for a loooong time, and only after the monstrous entity that was FFVII came here did Square even consider publishing them over here. So, IV was for the Super Famicom over there, and we got it here as II. We didn't get Final Fantasy V until a compliation on Playstation many years later either, but that was originally for Super Famicom, too. VI was what we got as Final Fantasy III here, and thats my favorite one ever. We finally started getting them all after VII, which is in my humble opinion INCREDIBLY over rated and NOT the best FF by a long shot. So we got VII, VIII, and IX all on Playstation, and the original II and V were released on that too. So after we had them all but the actual III, they started naming them the correct way - Final Fantasy II has been released and re-released so many times its ridiculous, but honestly, the definitive experience would probably be Final Fantasy IV on the DS. For that one, they re did all of those (kinda lame by today's standards) 16-bit sprite graphics and made it all fancy and 3-D like. It also had voices for some parts, which was the best part of the update for me. It also featured an absolutely incredible opening animation with the definitive Final Fantasy jams that makes it worth the purchase price alone. I actually got a chill the first time I watched this and I know what you are thinking but yes, I'm fully aware that I'm a nerd. I'm going to review the original super nintendo one here because I'm a purist, but to those who are new to gaming, go out and buy yourself the DS one immediately, and thank me later. So that basically ends the history of FF games, since 7 on we've gotten them all and they renamed the old ones too. Oh, there was a real turd of game that was released here too called Final Fantasy Mystic Quest, which I think was called just Final Fantasy Kids or Easy or somethin like that in Japan, but you can just stay away from that stinkpile and forget that it ever existed.

Alright, so this rant and rave about the amazingness that is and was Final Fantasy II - can I just call it IV from now on? Ok, thanks. But the greatness of IV has been pretty well known by most gamers for quite a few years, except maybe for those youngins that haven't played games for very long - hell a gamer of nine years started in 2000! Which makes me feel incredibly old, but thats perhaps because I AM old. But I think I've said enough about the story and the characters, hows about we break down the score now? Remember, I'm going with the super nintendo one here, really the only thing that would change (which means, be higher) as far as a score is concerned for the DS version would be the graphics and the sound.

Graphics - Ok, before I give a score, heres where we hit a snag. For someone that you are trying to impress, perhaps try to get them to love video games half as much as you do, well, don't show them this game first. Start with something pretty, like say...Heavenly Sword, Metal Gear Solid 4, or the beautiful Valkirya Chronicles (which, being my favorite game I have ever played, I can assure you will be discussed sometime soon) to tell your friends DOOD! Look at how pretty this game is, it's prettier than most girls! Or...something. Final Fantasy IV is NOT the game to do that with. It features old, crusty, 16-bit sprite graphics, that if you ever try to play on a 50'' or above TV, you will probably cringe at the results. It can be done, but its not pretty. For its time however, it WAS pretty - you had a cast of original looking characters, some decent backgrounds, and a hell of a lot of places to go and look at. So, if we are talking about the time frame it was released in, well then, easily an 8/10 (Zelda 3, a Link to the Past, would be coming out soon after this and that game was far prettier for super nintendo). However, if we are talking about todays standards, in the world of sweet particle effects, anti-aliasing (no connection with the cool show that made Jennifer Garner famous), advanced lighting, and...other fancy game maker words (I'm not one of those, but I know someone who is! She can tell you more terms), then I'd get about a solid 4/10, and I'm probably being generous. Come for the sweet story and the characters you'll actually care about, but you won't want to stay for the graphics.

Sound - 10/10. This applies to then as it does now. The soundtrack to this game is absolutely amazing and incredible, so much so that I have seen parts of it conducted by a symphony, and where that symphony of Final Fantasy pieces go, a sold out crowd follows. I guess for the DS you'd give it a 12 then, because it has remastered music AND voices (that are actually well done). This and a few others FFs after this were done by the great Nobou Uematsu, who is more or less the Beethoven of video game music. If that doesn't sound like much of an accomplishment to you, well then go buy one of the soundtracks to any of his games(I think his last one was 8? But I might be wrong) and feel free to come over to my house and I'll slap you in the face personally for ever doubting that video game music can be as masterful as symphonic music.

Challenge - 7/10. It's not impossible. But that being said, this one came straight from Japan (as pretty much all the classic games back then did), which means, LOTS AND LOTS OF RANDOM ENCOUNTERS. You'll walk a few steps on the map, BAM attacked. Sometimes you'll walk ten or twenty steps and think hell yeah! this isn't so bad. For your insolence, BAM you get attacked once each for the next three steps. It is NOT cool. But it's also not impossible. Rarely will you find yourself truly pissed off at an encounter (except at that stupid Demon Wall toward the end, GOD!), and it never really requires too much busy work to get to the next area or part of the story. There have been much more challenging RPGs out there (*cough* Valkirya Chronicles! *cough*), which is good really, because this game (as most FFs) is all about the story anyways.

Fun - 8/10. I can't give it a perfect score, because cmon man, those random encounters get pretty old. But I can pretty much assure that if you make it past the awesome opening jams at the Castle of Baron, traverse through the Cave of Mist and end up seeing Cecil open up that big ol' box o' evil up on that town and see it laid to waste, you will be hooked. I remember as a kid I couldn't put the freakin' controller down, I probably even got grounded for playing this game too much (my mom was a real hardass). The story alone will keep you playing til' the end, and even when it hits you with a left hook at the end by giving you some lame weirdo blob boss, you won't mind much, because a great man once said "it's the journey, not the destination, that truly matters". Also, Journey was a sweet band.

Overall - 9/10. Like I said, it's not totally perfect, but what game truly is? Just like any great movie, it has its flaws (those godforsaken random encounters! *shakes fist*), but its all about the story here. If you rated it on story alone, this would get a 17/10. But I'm not here to review the story, I'm here to review it all.

So thats what I got for my first official classic review. Comments are appreciated - perhaps if someone doesn't like the things I am grading here, if you want one added, if I'm too long winded and not making you laugh enough, you good folks out there let me know!

Stay tuned for my first crap game review, which will probably be that steaming pile known as Superman for the Nintendo 64, or maybe something more rare...like Dragonball GT Final Bout for the Playstation! Shoooo wee did that game ever suck.

Oh...one last thing, check THIS out, my first link! Go to this website if you want to read a pretty great web comic about the first Final Fantasy, featuring a completely psychotic black mage who provides most of the (insane) comic relief - http://www.nuklearpower.com/8-bit-theater/
Plus, the dude who writes it isn't related to me, but totally almost has the same last name as me! Weeeeeird.

BlazBlue - best fighting game ever made?

Ok, so I swore I'd never do anything like this before, but I guess it's time to try something new - so here it is, a word that I have despised since its inception, but nonetheless, the first of what could be many "blogs" from me, the man himself, Clev.

The first one is going to be a rant about how great the fighting game BlazBlue is. If you aren't a big fighting game person, well then you don't need to read this. No wait, you should, because this could very well be the game that MAKES you a fighting game fan. To begin with, the game is pretty much completely insane. One of the people you can play as is a little kid who has a big mannequin thats twice the size of him that of course doesn't speak, yet he calls it his "sister". Then theres the cat girl who is wearing one of those sweet P-coats that were all the rage a few years back (I still think they are kickass, but then again, I'm still waiting for the day when capes become awesome to wear in public - I'd imagine it won't happen in my lifetime, which is sad, but anyways - ), showing off her legs but not her face (just two red eyes and a mouth), yet, for some reason, if you jump on over to the gamefaqs forums, you will find a rather disturbing community of dudes who like to draw naughty pictures of her. I for one, like my dirty pictures to have girls that have facial features, but hey, to each his own. Then there's one of my favorites, the dude who has no face on his mask, but he has eyes all over his body, the better to slash your face up with his sweet sword. Thats just 3 of the 12 people you can play as in this game (I didn't even mention the girl with big boobs who fights with a staff - a natural occurence in a game made by perverted Japanese developers - a girl with monstrous boobs that fights with a big phallic symbol, but I digress...), and for some fanatics that are used to being able to choose between 20 or 30 different people, this might be a problem.

But this brings me to one of the main reasons why everyone who enjoys playing games at all should give it a shot - because its different. With the old Mortal Kombat games, we had the same dude with about 16 different color variations - Smoke, Reptile, Scorpion, Sub Zero, all the same looking. It's the same issue with the recent Street Fighter IV (which I also love, but we aren't talking about that today, are we?) - you have all those dudes that can throw fireballs and have a similar move set - Ken, Ryu, Sagat, Akuma, Gouken, and possibly the best joke character ever created in a game, Dan. All SIX of those guys are similar. You won't find any character at all that plays like another in BlazBlue. Everyone is completely different, to the point that you better learn what you are doing with each person before you even attempt trying to fight jerks online with any of your favorites. It's for this reason that casual gamers might get turned off on this game (the reviewers at Game Informer sort of did), but even casual gamers won't want to argue with the fact that is a freakin' gorgeous game.

First of all, since this is my blog - and I still shudder everytime I type that stupid word - but since this is my blog, we'll get it established that I'm an old school gamer. Give me a pretty 2-D game any day over a 3-D game with confusing controls. I love that 2-D games can seem simple at first, but some can surprise you with the ridiculous amount of depth they have. BlazBlue is such a game. This game has more moves, more combos, and basically just more things you can do to eff your opponent up than nearly any 3-D fighter thats ever been made. I'm so hopelessly addicted to this game that I've even considered dropping 100 bucks on what I call a "fightin' stick", a fancy arcade style controller that has a joystick and buttons like they used to have in arcades (may nearly all arcades in the US R.I.P.), just so that I can play better online - although I DO have a 56% win percentage on there the last time I checked - but I guess if you look at that as a grade, and I probably should since I spent seven freaking years in college - that'd be like, an F+. So a fightin' stick could probably take me up to a solid D, D- at least.

So what else to discuss? How about the story mode. Any RPG gamer, basically any nerd, especially one thats in to anime, will love this game. It has a completely convuluted and confusing storyline that involves the end of the world, a dude with a bigass sword that may or may not be a good guy, a nutcase that can freeze stuff with HIS cool sword, a demonic blob type creature that wants to absorb anyone that he defeats (who also happens to my favorite character), and a little vampire girl thats a couple hundred years old who is mostly just there to observe how it all goes down. And the cat girl that some of the gamefaqs crowd seem to have an unhealthy obsession with is always there for comic relief too. Basically, theres something for everyone. At least, every kind of nerd. Any any kind of RPG gamer that wants a change of pace, but still wants to have a pretty sweet story that you...well, that you probably can't relate to your friends without getting yourself confused, but is still pretty awesome. Actually reminded me of Xenosaga, another classic I pretty much destroyed, but honestly I couldn't really explain WHAT was going on in that game, except there was a lot of talking and...well, it was pretty awesome. And some things blew up. Oh and there was a hot cyborg (and SHE had a FACE, unlike the cat girl in BlazBlue, weirdos).

But anyways, I think that about covers it. If people seem to like what I have to say, then I'll keep this up, I'm a pretty hilarious dude after all and I have a lot to say, and the plan is to review two classic games a month, and since there are A LOT of garbage games out there - we've had over 30 years of video games now after all, think of all the crappy MOVIES that have come out in the past 30 years (I'm looking at you, Gigli!), and of COURSE we've had nearly as many stink-o games, another plan is to review at least one total crap game a month. More if those provide to be pretty entertaining (and I promise that they will be). On top of that, I want to review the new stuff - like the new King of Fighters thats out next week - and go back to some older games of the past year or so that I think everyone should have played, or I just want to talk about because I never got the oppurtunity to talk about them much (WHY did I not write reviews for the University newspaper, WHY?!), but basically, theres gonna be things to keep you entertained here, so come on back now.

I don't have a real review system set up for now, but basically, if we were to break down the normal things that are rated when we talk about BlazBlue:

Graphics - 9/10 - its a freakin' beautiful game, easily one of the prettiest 2-D games ever created, the animation is incredible, and if I ever wanted to drive to Roger Ebert's house to shove some games in his stupid monkey face to finally convince him that video games ARE art (he is adamantly opposed to the idea - just read his reviews for the Doom movie, or any action movie that seems like it'd be a good video game), this would be one of the main games I'd bring.

Sound - 8/10 - The only reason I didn't mention it up there, is because, while I love it. It's not for everyone. Heavy metal guitar riffs, mixed with some orchestra, a bit of gothic piano, basically everything but the kitchen sink thrown onto a soundtrack - but its definitely heavy guitar intensive. So if that's not for you, then the soundtrack to this game won't be either. However - the voice acting is actually fantastic, something that hardly ever happens in video games, and has NEVER really happened in video games - play the first Resident Evil game if you don't believe me.

Challenge - 9/10 - This game is TOUGH. Even playing the last few jerks on normal difficulty is a pain in the ass. And trying to get yourself an achievement or a fancy gold trophy by playing all the way through Score Attack mode, in which you can't even lose once? Well, you are a king among men (mostly nerds) if you can pull that off - to give you an example, you check whose finished it online, it's less than 1,000 people. This game has sold somewhere around 50-60,000 copies. And it has a bit of a learning curve that makes it not immediately accessible to everyone, but it's still worth a look just as a 2-D showpiece for either system.

Fun - 10/10. It's a blast. Haven't I established that already? And if you are an online player, well then good news! Hardly anyone (at least on PS3) talks on there, so you don't have to listen to 10 year olds that stomp your face into the ground that are up too late past their bedtime, or people that disguise their voices by sounding like a robot - it's sad that wasn't cool 5 years ago, and it's even worse now, yet it happens. And it has enough offline content to keep anyone busy for a long time - more things to do that Street Fighter IV had to do, for one.

Overall - 9/10. Just check it out if you are a gamer at all and like fighting games, RPGs, or just want something different. It's pretty much destined to be a classic. Aaaand, if you can find a limited edition one for the PS3, you've probably just made yourself around 40 bucks profit if you want to sell it. True story!

And with that, the first post is done. I'll be working on this thing throughout the week, and taking suggestions - if I talk too much and it's too wordy, if you want some links (still figuring that part out), if it just sucks in general, let me know.

Next up - a possible rant about why I think the PS3 is the best system out there. And a review of one of the best games ever made - Final Fantasy III - VI to those in the know.